I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
