Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize