idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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