I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
