I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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