Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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