Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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