I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
