I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
