I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
