Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
