I have demons in me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize