I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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