Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
