I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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