I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
