the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
