first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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