I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
