quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
