dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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