Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize