I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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