Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
