Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
