Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
