1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
two words: eviction party
bring money and cleavage
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
