uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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