That's intense
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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