no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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