All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
