why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
