i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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