I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
