theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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