I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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