I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
