i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
