so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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