Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
