You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
