I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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