Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize