the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
