i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
