Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
