Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
