Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
