The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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