he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
