Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
