At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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