I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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