This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
