The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im six kinds of drunk right now
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need moral support for this bender
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
