OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
