Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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