If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
