then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
