In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
