Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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