I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My pussy is not your playground.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
