4 words: hood of his car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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