Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
