That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
