Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
