You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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