he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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